We are currently in the process of compiling the most useful questions and answers in the meantime, please take a look at this important article as it should affect your expectations at Court.

The Stripping of Morality from the Court’s Family Law Decisions.

Adultery is often disregarded by the Court, except in instances of custody, and the wrongdoer is not often ‘punished’ by substantial alterations to awards of alimony or property.

Given this scenario: 39 year marriage and adult children, millions in assets in investments, retirement, properties, bread winner husband and now retired homemaker wife. You have proof of the husband’s decay of morals and turning away from their formerly strong acceptance of the Golden Rule. You find multiple affairs, a car purchased for the mistress, assets hidden and/or misappropriated, mental and physical abuse.

Ask any person on the street, they’ll tell you the husband is in grave trouble. He is likely to get taken to the cleaners and, they might add, rightfully so. If this was a movie, it might even include a joyous burning of his possessions a la “Waiting to Exhale” (which didn’t quite mention that the burning would get her in trouble).

Now. Ask a Family Lawyer on the outcome. Their expression will fall, their eyes will darken and they’ll tell you that a 50/50 outcome is likely. The Court doesn’t like to investigate affairs, doesn’t like to put a price tag on lying and deceit (sometimes even if it is under oath). It doesn’t like to divide money that is not present and accounted for.

How is that FAIR? How can that BE? How is it that the Court acts like the Father of the wayward prodigal son, do what you like, spend what you want, come back behave for a moment and it seems all is forgiven. Indeed, it would seem that the Court’s reticence to punish these moral transgressions may in fact encourage a greater decay. Once stories circulate that you can do whatever and however to whomever and still get half, where is the incentive to do what is right? Indeed, it verges on a disincentive. The moral person is in effect punished.

Here is where your belief must strengthen and guide you. Moral persons do NOT do what is right to gain or secure an outcome. A moral person is faithful to their partner because they should be, not because they might be punished if caught. A moral person is puts their children first not to gain advantage in some future custody litigation but because it is what their children need. Thus, it is a breach of faith for you to now come to this moment, a moment of divorce and litigation and to begin to regret your rights actions and envy their wrong actions.

The belief we hold is that we must continue to do what is right regardless of outcome, regardless of difficultly and regardless of cost (hate to hear your lawyer say that last part!). So, if you encounter a Judge who does not reward your good works and punish their willful failings, which is regrettably common, do not lament. Do not complain. This is less a function of your lawyer’s skill than the resistance of the Courts to increase their work load by trying to determine the “truth” in each situation.

Practical Recommendations Now that You Know the Court’s General Position on Moral Wrong doing

The Judge may cut you or I off and try to shorten your testimony or our evidence on moral issues. The Judge may appear to glaze over events that were horrible abuses (past domestic violence, degrading talk to you or a child, information on repeated affairs). If you have a full trial or hearing the Judge will still want it to end as quickly as possible, so we often cannot insist upon presenting each and every harm you have suffered. Often Judges do not have a full hearing, they may invite the lawyers alone into chambers or your attorneys may simply make summaries of what is going on for the Judge in the courtroom.Here television is not an accurate guide, because it does not show you the many, many ways that Judges can chose to conduct a ‘hearing.’

In Court you will often hear the other side lie. You may even hear the attorney lie or at least misrepresent facts to mislead the Court. Do not panic. If the attorney believes that the Judge will rule in a fashion that will forever foreclose an issue, she will act. However, often it is the safer option to let the other side ‘hang themselves’ by voicing untruths in Court that are being taken down by the Court reporter and can later be disproved. Unless you are in a final trial, often the Judge does not want to hear the full story. The Judge is content to get the ‘gist’ of the situation and provide its guidance based on some bare representations. It is our experience that tells us how to handle these instances and you are safest following our lead.

You are likely a client of this Firm because you have an idiot who, depending on their severity, will lie, cheat, steal and do so with a very pleasing and charming demeanor. Please expect them to do so and do not let this surprise you or cause you to distract your attorney in Court. You are to write down your concerns including any lies they are telling and any proof we have. Do not attempt to discuss this with the attorney while still in Court in front of the Judge as the attorney cannot listen to you, opposing counsel, the other side AND the Judge without missing something that may be dangerous for you.

Expect to be confused and perhaps disappointed after a hearing. This is common even where you have gotten a good result from the Judge. Most people need a little time to see and process even a good result. This most often occurs because you are listening for acknowledgment of your pain, compensation for your suffering, or disapproval of their wrong doing. The Court may not give you that. Be aware that Justice does not require apology nor confer forgiveness. Thus, the Court may not be interested in the transgressions that cannot be righted except through apology or forgiveness. The Court seeks to balance tangible things and is not adept (by choice, habit or constraint) at awarding the tangible to mend the intangible.

Remember, for the Courts, justice does not require forgiveness, but for you to move on and take back your energy, your time for sleep, put a cap to your worries, you need to do just that. Forgiveness does not approve of a choice, but it does accept it and let it go.